If you were to ask me what I do, my immediate answer would be that I work at home, keeping tiny humans alive. Because the title ‘Stay at Home Mom’ doesn’t do it justice.
My husband and I have two children, and his work schedule means that I’m 1-on-2 with the kids – many days from wake up through bedtime. I love being a mother (even on the days when it isn’t lovely), but I have a hard time being labeled as just a mom. Yes, I have children; yes, I’m basically with them 24/7/365; but that isn’t all of what defines me.
A few years ago, I realized that I had only been building into others, and I needed to build into myself in order to continue in a healthy way. If I was a ‘good mother’ as is socially defined, but neglected to take care of myself because I always put our kids first, then I couldn’t actually be a good mother – I wouldn’t be able to parent in an effective or positive way that built into our kids. This is still something I struggle with, and have to remind myself of regularly. (If you’re in this position and you need permission to take a step back and put yourself first, for even just 5 minutes, I give you permission. Be wise about this: don’t put your kids in danger, be sure they are in a safe spot.)
So, looking to build into myself, I made a list of what I’ve always wanted to do. Not a bucket list, but more of what I found myself returning to again and again. Things that I can’t explain why I like, but I do. Things that I’m always interested in, even though I may move away from then for a season. Things that I’ve always wanted to really master.
I boiled it down to a relatively short list:
- paper crafting (specifically card making)
- Doula certification (fertility, or postpartum)
- writing
- ceramics
- blogging
- learning the violin
Then I narrowed it down further to writing and ceramics, the two that I have loved since childhood, and I let the two percolate.
Writing – I could easily just start writing whatever I wanted. I could write at home and work it around my schedule. And it was free, especially if I used the cache of leftover school supplies that we had lying around.
Ceramics – I had started college as a fine arts major aiming for a BFA in Ceramics, but I ended up with a BS in Biology Illustration … that I’ll never use. Since I already had some experience, I could take a few classes to refamiliarize myself with it, and eventually set up a small home studio. But classes are expensive, and the equipment is expensive (ever priced out a pottery wheel?), and I had to make my schedule work around the class times.
As a Keeper of Tiny Humans, I chose what worked in the calendar.
And so, a dear friend and I became an accountability group, each working toward our own goals. Since March 2019, I have been working toward writing and publishing a book. I have consumed all sorts of relevant free content – library books, YouTube videos, blog posts, podcasts, the first hour of free information in a 2 hour long related product pitch, combing through emails for the 1-2 lines of gold. You get the idea.
I have also learned how to find time to write, between laundry and dishes, playing and exploring, and the many other time commitments that come with parenting. I have struggled to learn how to consistently protect and prioritize that time, because writing for only one hour every other week does not an author career make.
From all the information I’ve sifted through, I have accepted that Traditional Publishing, while amazing in its own way, is not the author’s holy grail. And, even if I choose to pursue it when the time comes, I will still need to put in a lot of legwork on my own to create a following and effectively market my work. One of the most unrefuted ways for authors to put themselves out there so people can find them (and their work), is to maintain a blog and the resulting email subscriber list. This was a pleasant surprise, as blogging was on the list of things that I’ve always wanted to do.
So here we are. I am taking the next step – putting myself and my work out there for you.